Government Insists al-Qaeda Has Plan to Poison Buffets and Salad Bars

First it was underwear, then barbeque gas canisters and toner cartridges. Now it is the local buffet and salad bar. Once again, the incompetent terror group al-Qaeda plans to kill random freedom lovers, at least according to nameless officials in the government.



“The United States has received information the group — al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula — was considering the tactic of placing ricin and cyanide poisons into food supplies, Department of Homeland Security officials confirmed to CNN.”
An “expert” told Fox News (see above video) that if the cave dwellers manage to spike the food supply, the government may have to simply tell people they can’t eat out. Chuck-A-Rama may be made illegal. For our own safety, of course.
In response to this ludicrous and “downplayed” information, officialdom met through “regular channels with representatives of the hotel and restaurant businesses to discuss the possibility that terrorists could target the food supply, and to reiterate ‘best practices’ to ensure the food supply is safe.”
Regular channels? Would that be InfraGard, the FBI’s eyes and ears that has 23,682 members in chapters that are geographically linked with FBI Field Office territories? Of course, we will probably never know because InfraGard is beyond the reach of the Freedom of Information Act under the “trade secrets” exemption.
“We’re aware that terrorists have been interested in doing this kind of thing for a long time. They’ve said as much and, as a result, we take all of this very seriously. But we don’t know of any current plotting along these lines,” officialdom told CNN.
Another mysterious “intelligence source” told CBS the threat to poison the Christmas cranberry sauce at the local Denny’s is “credible.”
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In other words, you should be obsessed with defeating those slimy al-Qaedites. Obviously, the only response should be to demand the government install naked body scanners at the mall and deep freeze the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
Anyway, try to have yourself a merry little Christmas.